


Flickering Sunlight

by Pandora151



Series: The Journey of the Lights [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Gen, Realizations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 06:38:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora151/pseuds/Pandora151
Summary: In the aftermath of Order 66, Anakin comes to a decision.





	Flickering Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Drifting Starlight, please read that before reading this! It's part 2 of the "Journey of the Lights" series.
> 
> This takes place in that two-week gap in the epilogue of Drifting Starlight.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

“It’s a simple question, Skywalker.  Why?”

Anakin stood in the center of the circle, head bowed.

“I…I don’t know, Masters,” he answered.

He heard Master Windu take a deep breath, almost as though he was frustrated.  The thought of Master Windu being frustrated would probably have amused him on any other day, but now he just felt empty inside.  Hollow, as though Palpatine took everything he had within him and scraped it out.

“Padawan Tano, you’re dismissed.  The Council will contact you later.”  Master Windu’s voice was firm and cold.

“But I—”

Anakin looked up finally and turned back to face her.

“It’s fine, Ahsoka,” he said, cutting her off.  “You should get to the Healers’ and get that arm treated,” he continued, motioning slightly to the blaster wound on her arm. 

Ahsoka blinked and then nodded before turning around and leaving the chambers.

Anakin was now alone in front of the Council.  He found himself thinking of the very first time he stood before the Council all those years ago, when they were testing him after he was first brought to the Temple.  Granted, that Council then was extremely different to the one he knew today, but the feeling, the _loneliness,_ was the same.

He’d always stood in front of the Council with Obi-Wan at his side, and later Ahsoka.  And even if Ahsoka wasn’t there, Obi-Wan was a member of the Council, which made Anakin feel a bit less nervous.

But Obi-Wan wasn’t here.  Anakin was alone.

“I would like to make sure we’re understanding you correctly, Skywalker,” Master Windu said once the doors closed behind Ahsoka.

Anakin nodded.

“You secretly married Senator Amidala while you were still a Padawan,” Master Windu began.  “Did you tell anyone else about this?”

Anakin shook his head, then paused.  “I told Master Qui-Gon,” he remembered.  It felt like such a long time ago now.

“You started getting visions of your wife’s death a few weeks ago, but instead of talking to a Healer or to Master Qui-Gon, since he was the only one who knew about your marriage, you spoke to someone outside the Order.  The Chancellor,” Master Windu continued.

“I…I felt that there was no other choice,” Anakin muttered, though the excuse felt feeble now, almost nonexistent.

“No other choice?” Master Mundi echoed, brows raised.  He leaned forward and gestured to the empty seat next to him.  “Master Kenobi was your staunchest supporter, Skywalker.  He had sacrificed much more than any of us expected to get you to where you are today,” the Cerean Master continued.

“When he joined this Council, he defended every single one of your transgressions, and took the blame for things that you did,” Master Gallia said, eyes shining.  “Every single _thing_ that man did was for your sake, and you never even knew it.”

“I—I just…”

“Ashamed, you should be,” Yoda said gravely. 

“I know,” Anakin whispered, looking down at the floor again.

The room fell silent once more.

“The Chancellor, he…he gave me a choice, a way to save Padmé.  I couldn’t see beyond that, Masters.  She’s…she is _everything_ to me,” Anakin said finally.  “I know it’s attachment.  The visions felt so _real_ , and he was giving me a way to save her.”

“By turning your back on the Jedi?  By turning against _everything_ you’ve been taught over the past twelve years?” Master Windu asked.  “By allowing the Jedi to die?”

“I—”

“Why did you even Turn back, then?  You watched that… _Sith_ torture and kill Obi-Wan, and you just…stood there and let it happen?  Do you know how many times he told us that you would not let him down?  Do you _realize_ what you’ve done?”  Master Windu was almost shouting at this point, and the Force was cold and harsh, thrumming with his anger.

“Enough, that is.”

Yoda’s voice echoed through the chamber.  The Force immediately settled.

“Alive, Obi-Wan is,” Yoda said.  “Visit him now, I will.  Talk about this later, we will.”

When Anakin left the Chambers moments later, he felt completely numb.  Everything was wrong, and he didn’t know what to do to make it right again.

* * *

“He’s in a coma?” Padmé asked, eyes wide.

Anakin nodded, voice caught in his throat.  “Master Che said that coming back to life after…” He paused, trying not to think of those terrible moments.  “It was too big a shock on his system.”

His wife stared at him for a few moments, eyes shining.  “Is Obi-Wan going to wake up?” she asked softly.

“They say he will, but there’s never been anyone who came back to life the way he did.  They don’t know what to expect,” Anakin explained.  Seeing Obi-Wan barely alive and unresponsive made him look even smaller somehow, and the sheer _shock_ of it sent Anakin running from the Ward to the hangar.  The next thing he knew, he was racing through Coruscant’s evening traffic to Padmé’s apartment.

“Anakin,” she said finally, leaning back in her chair.  She looked about as exhausted as he felt.  “I know you were worried about me, that might have been why you did what you did, but don’t you see what _happened_ as a result?”

He nodded.  “I can’t…Padmé, I’m nothing without you.  I wasn’t thinking clearly; I know that now, but I need you,” he whispered.

“And because of that, what you did was justifiable, Anakin?” she asked.  “Can you imagine how it felt for me to see you like this?  I…” Padmé swallowed and looked away from him, staring out the window at the endless lines of Coruscant’s traffic.

“You broke my heart, Anakin.”

Anakin bowed his head, shame curling in his gut.

“But I know Palpatine has manipulated you since you first arrived here.  I had a _feeling_ that something wasn’t right about him, but I didn’t do anything about it,” she continued, then finally looked at him again.

“He fooled all of us, Padmé,” Anakin replied, “Even the Jedi.  Don’t blame yourself for this.”

She didn’t reply.  There were dark shadows under her eyes, and grief was clinging to her presence almost like a shadow.  Her emotions were pouring out into the Force, like a steady stream slowly emptying out into an ocean.

“What should I do?” Anakin asked.  “How do I fix this?”

His wife shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes.

“You must find that out for yourself, Ani,” she whispered.  “I don’t want to push you to do something that would only benefit me and not you; you’ve had enough of that from Palpatine.  You must decide what you feel would be best for you and do that.”

“How?” Anakin asked.  “How do I decide?”

“Look inside, Anakin,” she answered.  “Look _inside_.”

* * *

“I know I should have come earlier,” Anakin began, taking a few more steps inside the room.  “I’ve made so many mistakes, and I know that there’s something I must do to…fix this.”

As expected, Obi-Wan didn’t reply.  Anakin would have thought he was sleeping, if he wasn’t hooked up to the monitors and IVs that were keeping alive for the past day and a half.  Obi-Wan's Force presence felt almost completely empty, as though there was no life or anything within him.

Anakin desperately wished for Obi-Wan’s guidance, but it was clear that he was on his own now.

“Master, I…” Anakin looked down at the ground, suddenly at a loss for words.  He didn’t know if Obi-Wan could hear him, but he just needed to say the words out loud.  He knew that everything that happened to Obi-Wan was entirely his fault, but he didn’t know how to make things right.  Obi-Wan forgave him for all his transgressions so far, but Anakin knew he went too far this time.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen when you wake up,” Anakin admitted, looking at Obi-Wan again.  He sat down heavily on the chair next to the bed, trying to ignore the sounds of the monitors and focusing on Obi-Wan’s quiet breathing.

“I did something _terrible_ , and I don’t think you’ll forgive me,” he said.  “I ignored everything you taught me for all these years and I just…” He cut himself off and rubs at his eyes, feeling tears form but refusing to let them fall.

“I’m sorry.  You did so much for me, to make sure I would become a Jedi, to make sure that I learned everything I needed to forge my own path,” Anakin continued.  “You gave up too much for all of that, and I just threw it all away on a whim.”

“I’m a terrible Jedi.  Master Qui-Gon told me at the beginning that it would be a hard life, but I was too focused on getting off Tatooine to actually understand what he was trying to tell me,” Anakin realized.  “I should have listened to him, and I should have listened to you.”

Anakin paused.

“I think…Master, I think I know what I need to do.  Padmé told me to do what is best for me, and what’s best for me is…to not be a Jedi anymore.”  He began to walk out the room and then paused at the door.  “I’m sorry, Master.”

Anakin walked out of the room, eyes shining with tears and determination.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think! :)
> 
> I do have plans for other fics in this series, so please keep an eye out for those!
> 
> Thanks again!


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